Friday, October 07, 2005

Some of my Favorite Quotes

This is ripped directly from Bill Simmons' most recent article on his website (although it's an old one). He talks about quotes to be used in High School Yearbooks. It's pretty funny because he has Al Cowens and Rowdy Roddy Piper on there. Here are a few of my favorite quotes. You'll cry, you'll laugh, and then you'll realize that you just wasted a few minutes of your life.


"We suck we suck we suck we suck. We stink like poo"
-Former Saints' Coach Jim Mora

"I call upon all nations to do everything they can to stop these terrorist killers. Thank you. Now watch me hit this drive."
-President George W. Bush

"WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE!"
-Eric Obogu (the dude in the Under Armour Commercials)

"I'm like toilet paper, toothpaste and certain amenities -- I'm proven to be good."
-Shaquille O'Neal

"I know what your asking yourself and the answer is yes. I have a nick name for my penis. Its called the octagon, but I also nick name my testie's my left one is James Wesfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noise Water. You ladies play your cards right you just might get to meet the whole gang."
-Brian Fantana

"I will be your Dixie Chicken
If you'll be my Tennessee Lamb
Then we can walk together
Down in Dixie Land"
-Dave Matthews

"Pick up your stuff, because you're motherfuckin' fired"
-Ari Gold

"I bust three times, and throw her the peace sign"
-Queensborough's Finest

"What America means to me: Bitches. Money. Respect. Power. Honor."
-Snoop Dogg

"I use two hands. One to hold the microscope."
-Guapo

"You're no longer in my book of fun things to do."
-Pete Schmidt

"Man, Prince beat me in basketball. You can't make that stuff up."
-Charlie Murphy

"Oh, c'mon, her breasts weren't fake! They do exist. If they fell down in a forest, they would make a sound."
-Raymond

"I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok."
-Shaquille O'Neal

"Tell me where the bomb is or I will kill your son."
-Jack Bauer

"Mouthwash!"
-Jalen Rose

"But let me just say one thing. I always wanted to be a sports anchor. Yet clever metaphors and catchphrases escape me like a fat girl waving her trophy from the smell contest. But I want you to listen hear, I'm not giving up. Alright? I'll be back. If it takes me 200 years, I'll be back. Lord Sweet Pappy Johnson with an erection, I will be back."
-Chet Harper (Fake Sportscenter Anchor)

"Last season, we thought we could beat you. This year, we're gonna strap it on."
-Nuggets Owner Stan Kroeke

"I will work hard for you 24/7. That's 24 hours a week. 7 months a year."
-Will Ferrell impersonating Geroge Bush

"Everybody who knows me knows how I get down."
-Michael Vick denying that he's gay

"If you throw at someone's head, it's very dangerous, because in the head is the brain."
-Pudge Rodriguez

"Hey, Quagmire, you forgot the "O" in Country."
-Brian from the Family Guy

"If Tim Belcher is on your pitching staff, you are automatically a last place team."
-George Dunham

"I'd just lie about it."
-My buddy, Ryan's, reaction if he were to contract an incurable STD

"Listen, here, my Kraut-Mick friend."
-Hollywood director speaking to German-Irish Tom Hagen

"The Padres pull a Johnny Drama 'VICTORY!'"
-Scott Van Pelt

"When you're rich, you don't write checks. Straight cash, homey."
-Randy Moss